Before I can begin to delve into the realm of blogging, I feel it’s only appropriate to start by exploring my journey with words.
I have slightly struggled with reading but pushed through, my young self felt I just needed to work more to keep up with my peers, within my own family we knew no different and if anything they saw me be highly adaptive (no pressure) and so I was left to it. Blessing and a curse as I’ve achieved things they said I would never be able to do but at a painful cost, though that has given me plenty of perseverance and resilience practice.
Nonetheless, it hasn’t stopped me from researching authors online, watching talks about the books and buying the ones that resonate. Sometimes this can be a good 5/6 exploring different aspects of the authors’ knowledge. Realistically, deep down I know I’ll never get round to reading every book I own. Instead, I use them as my guide, after all their words ‘spoke’ to me and thus have ended up in my presence. When I get a feeling I’ll ponder my bookshelf and reach for any that ‘stand out’, leaving them on my dining table over the next few days, weeks, months or until I feel the need to change them over. Again, generally, when all is quiet, I’ll be drawn to a book and with my eyes closed I’ll run my fingers across all the pages once and on the second time, I’ll stop randomly. Sometimes though I can not wait and will just open the book anywhere. The passage I read, well until my focus drains, usually a chapter or if I’m feeling very brave maybe even 2/3, is often so relevant. One may say all can be interpreted to fit one’s life, however, even more curiously the ones that seem irrelevant tend to find their way into the near future in an almost completely transformative way. Now that’s a whole another post about Einstein’s spacetime relativity, thoughts and so much more.
Back to this story, so this past month I’ve had about 6 books on my dining table and one of them being Oliver Sacks ‘The river of consciousness’ (Slightly obsessed with all of his work, there will be more posts to come about Oliver Sacks 💛 and I could not recommend this book more!!). The chapter I read last week ‘the creative self’ addressed all the fears and anxieties I never knew I had about blogging and what has probably stopped me for years even though I’ve so been curious. After that, starting a blog was moved higher up on my priority list and well so now we meet here. It’s taken some rambles to get to the final point (I’ll attempt to become slightly more concise as I get better at all this, so thank you for bearing with me) which is the discussion on ‘mimicry’ versus imitation, echoing and mirroring. He writes about people’s accounts overtime where thoughts have unconsciously reproduced themselves in different individuals. So I want to highlight that all my words have been inspired by everything and I will do my very best to quote and reference all the wonderful minds and work that have helped me gain my insight but please forgive me if I slip up. I genuinely believe my words and thoughts all come from the collective consciousness movement and that no idea is ‘new’ (back to Einsteins’ spacetime relativity theory). The post about ‘what is thought’, ‘where/when did it start’, ‘where does it go’, ‘autonomous patterns of the universe’ including spontaneous synaptic activity (talking about what occurs within the connecting space between nerve cells) all will be very exciting to write about.
Also, more importantly, I feel from understanding each other better we can help stop the injustices from people to planet. MY mission is for EVERYONE to accept, understand and embrace each other’s differences so that the concluding lessons in ‘talking to strangers’ by Malcolm Gladwell can be PRACTICED EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME. HUMANITY needs UPLIFTING and only together can we do this. Collective consciousness, now there are many theories and I’ve seen this written in numerous places but I’m simply talking of the great power of ALL our minds coming together for a common goal. Dedicated to Breonna Taylor and all those she represents. Arresting the officers, retraining and rebuilding all institutions from the complete foundations (academic, medical, political, economic etc) using mindfulness techniques to unify our global community and thus achieving/maintaining symbiosis or homeostasis. I am honoured to be human and to experience the wondrous effects of our adaptive brains, thank you so much for taking the time to read this. Until next time my friend, take care 💛
Hey lovely people I hope you’re good! It’s been a year since this whole blog started. What a year indeed!
One thing that has become more apparent for me in this time is the power of astrology or karma. So much information and knowledge all around for you to decode. It does however pose the question of whether or not to know is helpful? 🤔
Either way what will be, will be. Would knowing help you prepare and grow as seamlessly as possible. Or the unknown bring out the authentic side to truly know what lessons need to be learnt? 🤷🏽♀️
Now I’ll admit I don’t know everything about birth charts, astrology etc but what I have found is, more insight about my life from the little information I’ve been lucky enough to come across than what I’ve learnt through living my life. 😂 I guess this is due to the more zoomed out approach that occurs with fate or coincidences.
Knowledge without action means very little. Yet also knowing when to act is just as vital.
You see collective consciousness affects our subconscious differently due to our karma etc, which is then filtered through our own neurodiversity or individual conscience. This can develop through evolution responses from lifestyle/stress/genetics/ etc resulting in elaborate sensory systems and adaptations. To balance and harmonise is trial and error, spiritual practices such as yoga and prayers etc can act as a sounding board for guidance. Neural plasticity is key to the 8th step of spirituality/chakras, returning to the collective consciousness. And so the circle is complete.
I’m taking a moment to truly understand the point of life or meditation. Is it to reach a state of self realisation or mindfulness as much as possible in the everyday; from this place we are guided to a stable serenity within, no matter what comes our way. It is important to gently acknowledge our wanderings at the earliest point and bring ourselves back to centre. Of course sometimes it may take longer to notice than others, but as long as we give a friendly nod to whatever the tangent may be, there is little discomfort. This process of acknowledgment can take on all sorts of different creative and imaginative ways.
Being more and more mindful will make self care, love and acceptance that much easier too. Sounds too good to be true. Yet from this place of kindness the universe will continue to guide us through ‘coincidences’ and ‘random thoughts’ etc which we must have dabbled into by now. Everything happens for a reason, more often unknown to ourselves. The more we try to runaway or bury our heads in the sand the louder the lessons become. The choice is yours on how much suffering you can endure. Surrendering to the guidance and inner teacher within will align you with everything you could possibly NEED. Want is child talk in this life; the more you want the less you’ll get. Irony at its finest or the lessons at their loudest. You tell me 😉
Love is kindness and consistency to me; for you it could be something different. Generally speaking it’s something you need and struggle to balance in your everyday. For me I know what works but can struggle with the consistency. Targets are small and achievable yet I will always rush myself for the sake of something else. Why? Yes it could be ADHD, it could be neurodiverse it could be both or many other things that have not been ‘discovered’ yet. What I do know is if I truly cared for the soul within I would do all that I can for myself to become more consistent. Yoga being adaptable, from asanas or stretching (for waking every cell in the body), pranayama or breathing exercises for dissipating stress/tension and cultivating focus for meditation which is the ultimate experience of the soul to the collective consciousness. It’s funny you could do your pranayama, followed by an asana sequence of some sort and having prepped the body for meditation still struggle to find the experience. Yet continue your day being as mindful as you can and have numerous experiences, almost because you were ready but not ready also. So it could be said mindfulness is the modern day meditation?
Have you ever looked back at your life to see how things could have been so very different. Yet everything has happened exactly as it should for you to be sitting here today. From the tiniest coincidence to the best and biggest random idea you’ve ever had; the missed opportunities and closed doors that reluctantly lead you to your destruction only for you to be reborn a version that is stronger and more determined. The next time chaos comes knocking for me, I’ll be ready to embrace an inspiring change that will surely come along with it.
For now my friend the light within me sees the light within you, namaste 🙏
The story of humanity is quite fascinating, understanding where we come from and how we have evolved gives us so much insight into how to overcome ourselves (enlightenment/transcendence etc). The 5 initial elements created from the Big Bang: Ether (or space as it’s more commonly known; the medium in which all wavelengths travel/where the insight comes from ie. sound, light, thought), air, fire, water and earth. As our planet has/is evolving through these stages to what we see today; all living beings have also evolved accordingly. Charles Darwin survival of the fittest comes into mind.
Within the quantum world (think within the tiniest component that makes up an object, organ or any matter) you have molecules (think water for example and its elements or atoms 2 hydrogens and one oxygen). Now let’s just take oxygen atom to continue the flow, within it you’ll find protons +, neutrons 0 and electrons – (imagine they work similarly to the 3 wires in a plug, with protons and neutrons within the centre/nucleus and electrons along the outside; the connecting ‘bridges’). Here the different interaction between these subatomic particles lies the 4 fundamental forces: gravity, weak nuclear force, the electromagnetic force and strong nuclear force. There are theories of a fifth force but that’s a whole different story.
Gravity or graviton in the quantum world is yet to be evidenced I believe, interestingly though it is the weakest of them all. Gravity is the bending or distortion of spacetime, although it holds stars, solar systems and galaxies together, by activating our muscles we can defy it so easily almost subconsciously ie. walking, jumping, breathing etc. Then we have the weak nuclear forces which is the force that transforms a subatomic particle into another through the exchange of w and z bosons. So a neutrino which is emitted from the sun (so stars and the Big Bang), strays close to a neutron the weak nuclear force will transform it into an electron through the w and z bosons, changing its atomic structure and producing an ion (game-changing). Next, we have the electromagnetic forces which hold opposite subatomic particles together through another type of bosons called photons. Now, this is where protons + and electrons – begin to attract. Lastly, we have the strong nuclear forces which hold together the quarks that makeup protons and neutrons, in essence, they hold an atom together. The strong nuclear force is 6 thousand trillion trillion trillion times stronger than gravity. Yet it has an optimum distance, once the subatomic particles get past certain proximity the strong nuclear force becomes weaker and its gluons (massless charged bosons) transmit the residual strong force and keep things together. Before you know it one atom or ion is held together to another and so on until matter or in this example water appears.
Even more interestingly or fascinatingly is the theory of the unifying nature of all these 4/5 forces, being a slightly different manifestation of one force or subconsciousness. The missing piece I believe is the discovery of graviton, however, one only needs to look around and through mindfulness see or feel how we are all connected to every living thing. Anyhow scientists have made recent discoveries connecting the electromagnetic and weak nuclear forces called electroweak, so I believe it’s only a matter of time. Perhaps when humanity is in a more peaceful state?
Back to our story ~3.5 billion years ago from now (or a few hundred million years after the formation of the earth), the single-cell organisms were formed. Like an atom, the cell has a nucleus and the cell body. The process we have just described plays out again but on a more gross or less quantum level so more biological. From single-cell organism to multicellular, water being the medium in which these could thrive well, where gravity is felt less: so rivers, lakes, oceans and seas. Just as an embryo develops suspended in embryonic fluid.
Every time a cell divides through mitosis (5/6 stages: interphase, prophase, metaphase, anaphase, telophase and cytokinesis) the DNA is transferred from parent to new cell. This could be applied to when things grow in any sense of the word. The genome is combined with DNA, when replicated through the above processes there is a chance for mutations to occur (or adaption/evolution however your perspective is, possibly driven by a universal subconsciousness). The saying there’s a reason for everything comes into mind, though sometimes we may never know or understand why or what that may be.
Surprisingly it would not take long for these organisms to start developing specialized features, whether it be corals, eyes, fins, teeth, or more complex processes which would enable the organisms to become more and more efficient. It’s also fascinating seeing how these simpler multicellular organisms could communicate with each other, through open-ended synapses (which are nerve cells ending outwardly to pick up signals of neighbouring organisms). Silent communication. The nerve cell has been the receiver of wavelengths via/neurotransmitters for a very long time. Before long we see the species fish and so on, until amphibious creatures develop, and fast forward some more to humans being born from the heart of the world, Africa.
Meiosis for the context of our story is the production of an egg or a sperm cell (gamete) for procreation, where the genetic information is halved instead of replicated. Which opens the evolutionary door to infinite possibilities. The meiosis process for a cell to produce a gamete is in essence the mitosis process from above played through twice so a total of 8 or 10 or 11 stages depending on how you look at it, as some stages interlink.
Our whole body will replace every single cell through mitosis within ~7-10 years, though some change more quickly like skin others much slower. In essence every ~7-10 years, we essentially become a new person. So as we live and the experiences we choose to explore, new neural pathways are created that can become more hardwired with continued stimulation. Whether it be negative, positive or everything in between. So how we choose to live our lives is very important; harnessing our inner light can be achieved through the simplicity of mindfulness.
Side note mitochondrial DNA (the energy centres of a cell providing the ATP energy currency if you like for a cell to divide and general function, is passed directly from the mother via the egg cell). The hydrolysis of ATP (the process of releasing energy with the use of water) is another reason why it’s reasonable to understand why we are made up of ~70% water. ATP comes from our food sources and so is a form of energy we consume.
These genes passed from our common ancestors through time carry so much information, no wonder certain faiths have made deities out of our evolutionary history, to honour where we have come from. We may have devolved almost in recent times by becoming more reliant, dependent and more attached. By understanding this interconnectedness, altogether we can evolve to help reduce the suffering of this world, where nothing or no one is left behind. Aligning to our sincere truth, finding inner peace and contentment.
Sound has been a powerful tool for a very long time, the oldest musical instrument is a bone flute found ~35,000 years ago. Makes you wonder how the power of music can communicate and convey so much more than words, breaking all barriers. Never underestimate the power of music or sound. Surrendering our controlling nature from the external to internal we can master ourselves and thus anything life gives us. Succumbing to the controlling nature is what causes us to feel almost lost and vulnerable to greed, lust and anger.
It makes you wonder are these not the darkness you hear of in many religions? Are religions, titles, labels, genders, roles all different forms of attachment or control to institutions created from a place of humanity’s ego? When they’re all removed what separates us?
It takes the fear away when you realise the darkness are just lost souls finding their way; well haven’t we all been there once upon a time? When fear is removed we are more likely to step into actions infused with morals and ethics, to make a difference.
Yoga/meditation/prayers/breath/holistic living is really for all souls no matter where you are, exploring the avenues discussed today in more dynamic, creative and soul-satisfying ways. The future, employing mindfulness with the latest scientific health research, working together in harmony for humanity. If you bring a pure intention and breath the rest all falls into space/place, it’s only a matter of time.
Thank you so much for bearing with me, this last post has taken a while to search for the words needed to convey the thoughts. I’m so grateful for all the incredible souls and resources that have inspired me. I hope you have enjoyed the read. From my heart to yours, take care, my friend 🤍.
I recall a psychology lesson long ago where we had to fill out a questionnaire and before I answered this certain question the teacher insisted I read all the answers first. Visual, audio, kinetic or visionary the combination of all of the above. Well, I work in visionary/movie like mode which means all the good, bad and everything in between can be recalled like it just happened, as long as I’ve paid attention. I learnt to read by memorisation of the image not phonetically and so would often read out loud as audio is much easier for me to comprehend. If you gave me a new word even now to say chances are I’d say it wrong but once corrected, I’ll never forget. This reminds me of pharmacology at university, all those names I’d say completely wrong, only when speaking with my peers I’d realise just how wrong I’d get the pronunciation 😂.
I work through my mind’s eye (where these vision/movies are played) as opposed to my senses alone. Do not get this confused with schizophrenia, I’m fully aware of the separation and one does not impede the other, but rather I’d compare it to being in a predominantly theta brain wave state. Now all children before the age 5 or so have this to a certain degree but is overturned as all the other senses develop. I know from the optometric background the eye and its pathway fully develop through a process called emmetropisation (majority occurs by age 2 and is predetermined genetically in fetal development) and another process of neural plasticity which can occur up to age 9 approximately). If this process is inhibited (ie physical, mental or emotional stress) the brain will compensate through its mind’s eyes. Also if there is a genetic predisposition that will affect the senses such as deafness, blindness or even poor sight etc. there will be even more compensation. Most of this is predetermined in the genes but like I mentioned the environmental ‘stress’ during these critical years can also play a big part in how much of the mind’s eye remains active throughout life. Which relates to the whole genotype (nature) versus phenotype (nurture) and thus intuition as an extension of the senses. On a side note animals and plants work within this mode in varying degrees too.
Darwin’s theory of evolution states its survival of the fittest. So only through stress (the activator) and its survival do we push the boundaries of evolution. In earlier times this stress would involve predators, thus being physically strong to keep safe. As we’ve evolved the new stress comes from culture and our fellow humans and so enters conscious evolution. Being able to see the true intention (subconscious thought) of others through one mind’s eye is just one productive use of this.
The pros and cons…
Anything I paid attention to I can recall pretty accurately no matter how long ago I learnt it, great for studying and exams. Once I have an understanding I can archive it in my brain, things I can’t understand such as negative/bullying memories my brain will ‘black out’ or try its hardest to make peace. This is something I’ve automatically learnt to do from as young as I can remember as I’d never stop ruminating otherwise😂. This is why the mindfulness approach has been so insightful in allowing those negative memories to be archived, knowing that it’s a reflection of how humanity has lost its humanity rather than blaming myself, which could lead to all sorts of mental health issues. So I’m grateful for some ‘black outs’ as being a highly empathetic person would make those memories too painful.
This is why I believe that stay safe and mindfulness techniques is what should be learnt at school in general studies or from reception onwards. Not only for physical well-being but also mental and emotional strength from the manipulative controlling ways of many people in society, who have chosen to let their traumas become them and thus the darkness we see. Integrating tools such as yoga/meditation/breathing techniques/holistic lifestyle etc. So that no more individuals feel lost, also, reinforcing for those individuals that have the same visionary ability to trust their mind’s eye or intuition rather than than the ‘conscious’ words of people. Something I wish I could have told my younger self. However, due to the lack of understanding in this area people similar to myself are often misunderstood, (which shows you what happens when a neurotypical person tries to explain the inner workings of a neurodiverse person). We reading this may know that something needs to burn for light to exist. Unfortunately many do not. I hope there is more research and breakthroughs to come.
At the same time without the continued ‘stress’ throughout my life, would I still be able to possess the same abilities? So, I am grateful for all that has made me into the person I am today. I learnt it all the hard way round or back to front. I’m ready to explore this fascinating area more and hopefully try to make some sort of difference. Even if it’s just more awareness!
As always take care, my friend. 💛
Also, I’d like to thank the people who have helped me piece all this together. You know who you are 🙏. If you can relate to this at all please feel free to share your thoughts.
———— Maths taught me that nature works in patterns; one could spend lifetimes trying to establish all the complex equations of the universe only to conclude that nature’s order can not be meddled with without great consequential effects.
Biology taught me that we are more microbiome compared to human biome; so being symbiotic with the diversity in nature will more likely protect you then western medicine. Which generally intervenes as the LAST resort once the balance has been disrupted. Also, our genetic makeup is constantly evolving depending upon the experiences we choose to explore.
Quantum physics taught me that all is connected; electrons connect atoms beyond spacetime. So all that will be has been; all that has been will be.
Chemistry taught me that spontaneous synaptic activity comes from the electromagnetic spectrum or energy; encouraging us to become the most evolved version of ourselves. Possibly why in the dream state we are more likely to process deeper traumas/guidance as the signals (Delta-gamma waves) are not interrupted by the conscious self. ————
Science basics have given us everything we needed to know about the cosmos/God/creator/collective consciousness or what term you prefer to use. However, as common with people they have continued to delve deeper to want to know more so that they can almost control nature and the outcomes; have they not realized by now that this is a waste of time? The world is in a messy state; surely it makes more sense to clear the chaos humans have created before we give them any more tools to cause further destruction? I believe in western medicine as a LAST resort but it’s holistic/preventative treatment that works alongside nature that is more likely to give a successful result mentally, physically and spiritually.
I would like to discuss the electromagnetic spectrum theorized by Maxwell and proved by Hertz. Now we are all taught this at school but do we understand it? Many organizations use the spectrum image to represent themselves but are they using it correctly?
Please google electromagnetic spectrum if you are unfamiliar with it, generally, it’s radio waves, microwaves, infrared, visible light (tiny proportion in comparison to the rest), ultraviolet, x rays and gamma rays. Animals and plants are sensitive to wider/different parts of the spectrum, you could even say humans at the moment (although we have great potential) are the most limited and least evolved in comparison; hence why we are the loudest/most destructive creatures. No wonder neurodiverse individuals find this world loud and chaotic. The most evolved can use conscious thought or electromagnetic waves to communicate without the need for sound. There is a plant neelakurinji comes to mind which blooms every 12 years and a bamboo variety that blooms in synchronicity no matter where or when it is planted in the world.
From what I understand the proven concept is an electromagnetic wave exists when a changing magnetic field will induce a changing electric field which will induce a changing magnetic field and so on until it is eventually absorbed by matter. Earths liquid metal in the outer core generates an electric current, earths rotation causes these electric currents to form a magnetic field that extends around the planet, so waves are created and thus absorbed by matter (like an antenna) ie plants, trees, humans etc. This could be applied to all planets and stars. Now, one person, I feel that has truly appreciated this is Nikola Tesla (within the scientific area anyway). He wanted to use this theory to help/uplift humanity and provide free non-combustion energy for all. Society misunderstood, ridiculed and took advantage of him because of his eccentric and naive nature, as they were primarily only concerned with power and money and so chose to support Ford instead, thus leading to the industrial revolution. Ironically, we got so carried away with Ford’s combustion energy within what feels like a second considering how old the earth is we have almost eliminated all the fossil fuels, yet we dare to try and use nuclear energy.
Conceptually, Tesla’s idea sounds wonderful but if that happened when he was alive can you imagine what the world would be like now after all the civil and world wars we have been through. There would be no humanity left at all; if every soldier or human had unlimited free energy and used it for destruction, the whole planet would have likely imploded/exploded. Tesla was far more advanced than society and hence why his ideas were not ready for the world and only now are we using some of his basic ideas. The great sadness is he died depressed and insane from the treatment he received by people, yet now he is recognized as one of the greatest geniuses. Let’s all learn a valuable lesson on how we treat those that think differently; they could be giving us the insight to help evolve humanity. Let’s move to a sustainable/holistic and peaceful living amongst all humanity and nature so that the next time a genius tries to help us we are ready to listen.
Proportion, da Vinci’s famous image of the Vitruvian man shows that the human body is created by a complex pattern. Coming from an optometric background we learn that the back of the eye called the retina is made up of a certain number of cells for everyone; the way they are shaped differs for each individual. Take the same concept for our brains, they have a certain number of connections, how they are connected is the key difference. Our brain network is evolving to become more open-minded. Compare neural wiring/activity of neurodiverse to neurotypical people you will see that neurotypical people are wired more internally, self-thinking, primitive almost to protect oneself, survival state, the evolution of the body. Neurodiverse individuals are neurally connected outwardly, they have almost surpassed physical evolution and are now consciously evolving. Less reliant on our basic senses thus more neural activity remains for the elevated senses of mind/thought. Almost as if their brain or ‘antenna‘ is more able to receive the signals of the electromagnetic waves. Thus more aligned with cosmos/God/creator/collective consciousness or what term you prefer to use. Neurodiverse seems to be the way forward for evolution and could also explain why they have a deeply empathic nature to people beyond the filter of language/culture. The only thing that inhibits this evolutionary growth is societies treatment of these individuals. Abuse is what causes mental health problems and prevents these individuals from achieving their full potential. Again, another reason why humanity needs to learn sustainable/symbiotic living with all.
Side note: ironically a prism can refract white light into its segments of the electromagnetic spectrum and vice versa. So white light in essence is the combination of all parts of the electromagnetic spectrum. I find it fascinating that people on the neurodiverse spectrum tend to require a prism to align their vision; although some can compensate for it.
In nature we always see a double spectrum everywhere; yet these images used by organisations only use the one. I feel those classed as on the ‘autistic spectrum’ are in fact the fainter or double rainbow, (proportionally speaking to the population that would literally make sense) and the brighter rainbow is the rest of humanity; as we evolve we get to the fainter rainbow until eventually we are at one with everything.
I see myself as the bridging gap between the great minds of the faint rainbow to the rest of humanity on the bright rainbow. I hope you have enjoyed reading this chapter and I’m looking forward to the next time as always. Take care, my friend. 💛
There have been so many fascinating tales of ‘awakenings’ in so many lives that have inspired me amongst many others. Before we continue to explore all the things that fascinate my mind from the first post I should explain more about myself.
“Ask not what disease the person has, but rather what person the disease has.”
Dr. William Osler’s 75-character maxim.
I first heard this quote in a talk by Oliver Sacks I watched online and well I think this approach should have been applied to all aspects of the medical world by now. Person-centred holistic/preventative treatment is more efficient, the one size fits all approach is outdated, let’s not get me started on the school systems. Just as our brains are neurally wired uniquely, our microbiome again is unique and hence why within the whole population there will always be a percentage of people who can naturally fight against any virus. Nature may take but will also give. There are no greater atrocities in the world than those committed by humans, I’m surprised we haven’t destroyed all of humanity yet with all this war profiteering etc. Life is balance and has always been, humans have unfortunately got carried away, I mean one only has to look at population growth since the industrial revolution. It’s ridiculous to think we can sustain this on our tiny exhausted planet. However, we are beginning to see this and adapting to a more sustainable lifestyle, and although it feels painfully slow at times here’s that invaluable lesson of patience/perseverance practice that no one can ever have enough of.
At the moment I’m going through a separation, revealing and rising for my true self (diagnosed with autism around autism awareness month 2021, thank you Universe, Creator, Cosmos, God, Collective consciousness or what term you prefer to use) and no longer accepting invisibility anymore. Although some may have eluded to it in the past, it was always in an inappropriate way or setting and so I dismissed it, as I did with other forms of bullying. I finally found a community with so much understanding and empathy and I couldn’t feel happier considering my life being turned upside down, or as we like to call it a fresh start with a blank slate.
So, I essentially grew up at a time (in the 90s) where the awareness for neurodiverse individuals was fairly limited especially amongst ethnic minorities. The conversation around it/mental health was seen more as a taboo subject. The fear of the ‘disability’ limiting ones potential was probably the main concern and rightly so. My parents were just people living with their traumas themselves; doing their best to pass on their learnt coping abilities, which may not have always been healthy. Eg not allowing or seeing the importance of artistry or creativity, however, we know it’s through the combination of science and art where true innovation lies. I appreciate it was the best they could do in their highly stressful situation. As a child I was sheltered away from any psychological help (not anymore), I guess as my compensatory methods seemed ‘adequate’. So here would be a good place to say I am truly sorry if I mirrored any unhealthy coping mechanisms and caused hurt to anyone in my survival state 😘.
In my school years, all I ever knew was severe anxiety which would settle down by the end of the year, reignite with each school year and reach frightening levels if I ever needed to change schools completely. I’ve been to 6 schools; moved away to Birmingham for uni, where I studied optometry and completed my pre-registration in London (2013). Since I’ve been a practising optometrist across the UK meeting all people of society, a subconscious/automatic habit from childhood has been observing the patterns of humanity and thus consciousness.
In hindsight, I struggled with autistic masking amongst other common female autistic traits (I couldn’t be a more typical case). I’ve been oblivious and naive to bullying (a blessing definitely) unless it was very obvious and so I’ve always seen it as normal. I’ve been determined since a child to disprove those that did not have faith. Learning to bend instead of breaking. I feel very blessed to have found a few people in my life that somehow I managed to maintain considering I had no social clue what to do. I’m sure I’ll write a post on how I overcame some of my difficulties, mainly through mindfulness techniques that resonated with me. So a massive thank you to yoga/meditation. I hope this post has been insightful for you, it’s been very therapeutic for me so thank you.